Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
