why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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