the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
