He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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