you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I am available for nakedness
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
