Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
