did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
