if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
