Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
