You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's official drugs can't kill me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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