i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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