I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
