OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
