So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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