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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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