the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I smell stomach acid.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
