i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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