Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
