hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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