Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
