do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
