Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
