Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
