You work out of a Hotel?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
