I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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