I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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