she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
