I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
