I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
