You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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