I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
