We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
