i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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