know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
