Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
