if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
