Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
