you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
