but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
