Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
