Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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