Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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