I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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