I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
