Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
