I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
