remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
