On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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