My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
