There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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